 This is a photo of Jacopo, one of the children I take care of in my host family. I took this on the way to a beach town called Campomarino. This photo has much personal significance. Not only because of what this photograph represents but also because of what happened after I took this photo. After taking this, we eventually arrived in the town of Campomarino. The first few days were very lonely. It was honestly the first time I genuinely felt homesick. This was only because I had no friends. I didn’t have anyone my age to talk to. I was surrounded by grown adults and children. As a woman in her twenties, I felt slightly isolated. Despite these feelings, I decided to grow a pair and go out to the disco by myself. I decided to buy myself a drink. As I was drinking, I observed the young adults dancing. After I finished my beverage, I went to the dancefloor and started dancing. Young men would occasionally try to dance with me, but I would shove them away. In the midst of it all I looked up, and coincidentally saw a shooting star. I had wished to not feel so alone for the rest of my time in this beach town. Half an hour later, my vacation in Campomarino was going to change. It was half-past midnight and that was when I noticed him. Just a fair warning before I continue: this is a romance story, HOWEVER, I typically don’t write about romance. SO, please don’t stop reading JUST because this particular story involves a boy. If writing about a boy bothers you, you can skip reading the next few paragraphs. I was staring at him. He was beautiful. Tanned with light-brown hair. When he finally did notice me, I looked away smiling. He still stared at me. I knew this because when I looked back at him, our eyes locked. It felt as though we were the only ones on the dance floor. We were in a state of trance staring at each other, smiling, and dancing. He began dancing towards me. He moved his body close to mine. J Balvin’s “Ginza” came on and we both danced in sync with one another. Our hips moving to the beat. Our feet bouncing off the floor. Our eyes were locked. This was unlike any other time I had danced with someone. There was something about dancing with this man that made everything okay. I didn’t feel alone. I felt wanted and desired. I felt happy. After hours of dancing together, we walked away from the disco and towards the sea. There was something romantic about it being the two of us alone on the beach under moonlight. He led me by the hand to a long barrier made up of large boulders. We sat down, stared at each other and then up at the night sky. We looked around and saw scattered fire pits that were in use by teenagers. We were sitting down next to each other for some time, trying our best in communicating with each other. There was a slight language barrier and I think the mystery of him attracted me even more. When the time was right, we stared into each other’s eyes and kissed. I had felt something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I felt like a high schooler who finally got to kiss her crush. It was sweet and romantic and exactly what I needed in that time period. We met almost every evening after at the dance club. We also met occasionally in the mornings. He worked as a lifeguard in the beach chalet next to where my host family had rented beach beds. As each day and night passed, we fell more and more for each other. Which was hard for me because I was letting myself be vulnerable. The realization hit that the likelihood of us actually meeting again after this summer was highly unlikely. I think he knew this too. So when the time did come to part ways, we made sure to make the most of our time together before goodbye. I remember kissing him goodbye and getting on my bike. I remember it being about three or four o’clock in the morning. I remember crying the ride back to the beach house. I remember a feeling of loss. It’s the feeling you get whenever you get a heartbreak. I’ve felt this one too many times in my life. I’ve learned to cope with these feelings through writing about it. I think what made me get over this heartbreak a little easier was finding out he was already in a romantic relationship with someone and they had been together for over three years. When I discovered this, my stomach dropped and my face turned red. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. Although I hate what had happened after I found out, I would still do it over again because he gave me something that I wanted and needed at that time. When I look at this photo, I am reminded of entering then leaving a place the same: alone. However, I have come to the understanding and realization that it’s okay to be alone. Just because I feel alone doesn’t mean I have to let that get to me. I have embraced being alone and it honestly feels great. This picture is also a good representation of the innocence and eventual growth that is found in a child. In the beginning when I captured that photo I was ignorant to the language, culture, and a few other things. However, I have grown since that picture was taken. I have gained a grasp in the Italian language just as a child gains the ability to speak. I hung on to my homeland like a child to its mother. Now I have grown to let my “mother” go and appreciate her from afar.
We all have photographs that remind of us something that may or may not have anything to do with the photo itself. I think each and every photo has a story behind it. That is why I decided to share this story with you. This was very personal for me and I am not ashamed of my past of the choices I have made in my life. I hope this made you think whenever you look at some of my photos or perhaps someone else’s photo. Thank you for reading and check out what photo I decide to share with tomorrow!
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Considering it recently being Valentine’s Day, I decided to focus on the positive aspects of being a single woman when surrounded by those who are in love. It may seem depressing, empowering, or both depending on your outlook, perspective, or perhaps even the way you were raised. Regardless of what you may think of your relationship identification, I think it’s important to realize that you should not let the happiness or life of others impact yours in a negative way. If your friends are happy and in love, you should be happy for them. If seeing your friends happy and in love upsets you or makes you jealous, then it honestly means you are not a very good friend. Personally I don’t care much for this holiday. In fact, even when I was in a long-term relationship, I didn’t find much significance in the day. The only important aspect of the holiday had to do with the fulfilment of my sweet tooth. I especially loved the day after Valentine’s Day because everything would be on a fifty percent discount. So, don’t let this holiday period bring you down. If it does bring you down, just know that one day there will be a person in your life who will appreciate even the most miniscule of things about you. I am a single woman. I don’t have a relationship and I actually don’t plan to have one for some time. I think love and romance is very sweet when it does come around or if it happens to someone close to me like a friend or family member, but I don’t think I have time or patience to commit to anyone other than myself right now. Reading this probably gives the impression that I am selfish. It’s most likely accurate to get this impression. I have this outlook on any potential romance that may come around because I think now is the best time to find myself and really figure out who I am as a person. I have discovered more about myself as a single woman than I have from when I was either dating or in a committed relationship. Mind you, this is from a first-hand experience. If you are in a committed relationship, you have most likely discovered who you are with the help of your partner. For me, it didn’t work this way. I think it may have to do with my personality, but I’m not sure. Regardless, I am a happy single woman. I have freedoms. I have been productive. I have plenty of time to take care of myself. I don’t have to worry about trivial things such as getting worked up over a text message or a few missed calls. I am just focusing on me and I think at this point in my life, it’s the best time to be doing this. I identify as a solo traveler. This to many, seems intimidating. In fact for many of you, the mere thought of traveling anywhere by yourself may seem haunting. I want to share with you why I think it is so wonderful to be a woman and travel to a foreign country by yourself. Imagine boarding a plane, a bus, or a train by yourself. You are sitting down, looking out the window, and anticipating your destination. There’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach. It’s the kind of feeling you get before a job interview, before a first kiss, or before a date with someone special. It’s a little nerve wrecking, but it’s exciting. There is a slight mystery to what happens after the interview, the kiss, or the date. That is what makes it so thrilling. The combination of anxiety and excitement brings your adrenaline up and you get this chemical reaction that is difficult to put into words. That feeling is what I get every time I travel somewhere by myself. Whenever I go to Rome or the time I went to Berlin by myself, I get that feeling. When I finally arrive at my destination, I’m excited. I get to decide where to go, what to see, how long I will be at certain locations. It’s all up to me.
Honestly, the only hard part about traveling by myself is the picture taking. You may have seen the photos of me standing or sitting in front of structures or places? I took those images by setting up a timer on my camera then running and posing. I know it is very strange and unusual, but you got to do what you got to do. Since I am by myself, I have no other choice. It is true, I can ask someone to take it for me but I choose not to. Aside from the difficulty in picture-taking, I enjoy the walking around and exploring. I enjoy observing others while I walk or sit and eat. I feel empowered by traveling in this way. I have traveled around with friends and with family. Traveling with friends is way more fun than with family but I have a better time when I am by myself. When traveling with other people, I find it more difficult to try to meet other travelers or locals. When by myself, I got to meet way more people than I have in all my traveling experiences combined. I enjoy talking to people and learning a few things about them. I regret not documenting these interactions, but I have made it my goal to begin doing so. This may seem strange in the way I have decided to go about seeing the world, but it is the best way I could have chosen. I hope this makes you think about the next time you travel, whether that is alone or with others. Regardless, thank you for reading. Stay positive. |
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